You Were There
by Lingua Dii
Summary: Before I even knew your name, you were there for me. Rated M for implied sex.


This is a story I came up with in about five minutes and wrote in under a day. It's sort of an inner monologue, so it'll be short.  
This is my second story with implied sexual content, though the first where it's actually pleasant for every person who reads stories like this. Consider it an experiment of sorts. I've always strayed away from M ratings because I feel that sex detracts from the romance, and, in my South Park stories, the romance is often the main point. I want to see if I can balance the two.  
As always, reviews are appreciated.

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I remember when we met. My shoes were wet from the snow and I slipped and fell on my ass when I got off the bus. Everyone laughed, but you didn't. You pretended to slip and fall, just so everyone would stop picking on me. Soon enough, everyone was doing it, like it was one of those fads. You helped me up and made sure I was alright. I was too shy to say anything, but you didn't leave. You were there for me. You told me your name – Kenny McCormick. I thought it was a funny name... I still do.  
I didn't know where any of my classes were, so you showed me around. You taught me things I didn't know; things that can't be learned from any book. You taught me friendship. You taught me how to be happy, like you were. You were there for me. In return, I taught you my name – Kyle Broflovski. You couldn't even pronounce it at first, which made me smile.  
I remember when you first pronounced it right. You looked so proud of yourself, like it was the most important thing you'd ever done. You said you'd "practiced every day" until you got it right. I tried to tell you it was just a name, but I got caught up in your excitement. Even back then, your emotions affected everyone around you... especially me.

I remember tripping and scraping my knee on the sidewalk right after school one time. You tried to make me feel better, but when I started crying, you took off. I thought you'd left me and cried even more, but you returned with a bandage from the infirmary and put it on me... I'm ashamed to say I felt angry back then. I felt humiliated. I thought, "Who does this kid think he is?". But now I know... I know you cared about me. You just wanted to make the pain go away. You wanted to make me smile again. You helped me up and apologized for taking so long to get back. From then on, you carried bandages with you all the time. If I got hurt – a scrape, a bruise – you'd secretly hand me one. I was a really clumsy kid, so I needed them a lot... and you only carried them for me. You were there for me.

I remember when you told me you liked me. I don't know why I didn't see it before... I didn't want to admit it, but I knew I liked you too. I didn't want to feel like that. I knew that if my mom found out, she'd... I wanted to make it go away, so I told you to keep it a secret from everyone and never mention it again. That was wrong of me, but I didn't know better back then. Maybe that's why you...

I remember when I faced up to reality and admitted I liked you too. I remember I couldn't get the words out, so I just babbled until you figured out what I wanted to say. You asked me if I liked you, and I just nodded like an idiot. I remember you hugged me and said we were boyfriends now. I remember feeling my skin crawl when you said that. Even after admitting I wanted you, I still didn't want to want you... I was always a coward. I think you sensed that, but you let me work it out on my own.

I remember when we first held hands. Your skin was so soft and smooth, I thought that's what it felt like to touch silk... I was right. You interlocked your fingers with mine, because you wanted to be closer to me, and me to you. My hand was smaller than yours, so it was kinda uncomfortable, but it also felt good, to hold your hand like that. I wanted to hold you in my arms, but I was too shy to do anything about it.  
I remember you kissed my hand and said I was the prettiest guy in the whole town. I remember my face turned redder than a tomato. At least that's what you said happened. I imagined what it would be like to marry you, even though it wasn't possible at the time. I wanted to be with you forever.

I remember our first date. You took me to the movies, but we were too young to see anything good, so we sneaked in. I'd never done that before. I knew it was against the law, but I did it anyway. It was thrilling. Of course, we were soon discovered. We got kicked out, they called our parents, and we got grounded. I blamed you, but you sneaked out in the middle of the night and showed up at my house to apologize. You were too noisy, so my parents woke up and called your parents. You got grounded for longer than I did after that... I think you knew that, but you came anyway. You just didn't want me to be angry... It was sweet of you.

I remember when we first kissed. You had taken me out for a late-night picnic by the lake. I remember you were literally feeding me, like a baby. I was embarrassed, but I also liked it. You were caring and nurturing, as always. It's why I fell for you in the first place. You were there for me.  
I remember the full moon reflected on the dark watery surface, the stars in the sky... Because the power went out in South Park, we could even see the Milky Way. I was just as clumsy with kissing as I was walking around as a kid. I didn't know what I was supposed to do, so I just rubbed my lips against yours, but you didn't care. You said it made me cuter. I was embarrassed, but also somewhat ticked off. I think you realized that. You always knew how I felt, even if I didn't say anything, which is more than I can say... Then you told me you were the one who took out the town's power, to make sure the view was perfect. We spent hours trying to fix everything you'd broken, and you got electrocuted.  
I remember you were taken to the hospital. I was by your side the whole time because I thought you were going to die. For a brief moment, I actually thought I'd lost you. But you were unharmed. I remember hugging you tight and making you promise not to leave me while you were in recovery. I remember crying on your shoulder, but you just held me gently and said "I'm alright. I love you. And I'll never let you go.". That was the first time you said you loved me.

...But it's not all happy memories. I remember our first argument. You wanted me to try alcohol. I told you I didn't want to. You were forceful, and I yelled at you. It was the first time you didn't know how I felt... or maybe you just didn't care. You apologized for pushing it, and tried to make it up to me by cooking for me, but I was still angry. I forgave you, eventually. Looking back, I think I held a grudge for too long. Maybe that's why you...

I remember when we first talked about sex. I told you I wasn't ready yet, but, once again, you pushed the issue until I got angry. It was the first time I told you to leave me alone... I shouldn't have done that. Maybe that's why you...  
That time, I was the one who had to make it up to you. I was practically begging for your forgiveness. I told you I was sorry, that I'd do anything to make it up to you. But then... then you told me **you** were sorry, and that I didn't have to apologize. You said you'd been acting like a jerk lately, trying to get me to do stuff I didn't want to do. I told you I had also been a jerk by telling you to leave me alone and never giving in on anything you wanted to do that I didn't want to do, even though you did stuff I wanted to do that you didn't. I felt bad about that, just as I do now. You said you forgave me, but I knew you didn't think I was to blame. But I accepted your forgiveness anyway, because it made me feel better. I was selfish. Maybe that's why you...

I remember when you started doing drugs. I didn't know why you'd done it, but now I do. Everything I did, everything you went through... It got to you. It was on all of us for making you do this.  
I remember the first time I tried to get you off them. You fought me, you yelled... But what hurt most weren't your punches or even that one time you kicked me in the dick. What hurt most was knowing that it was my fault. Because of me, you were hurting yourself. Everything you did, I deserved, and more, for making you this way. When you started developing a tolerance for the drugs, you used more and more, until you almost had an OD. I remember finding you in the school bathroom with a syringe in one hand, passed out in one of the stalls. You didn't even close the door... I called an ambulance and did everything I could to keep you alive. It was at that moment I decided to stop going to school until I got you cleaned up. You didn't fight me any more. You actually asked me for help. I told you you didn't have to ask. I told you you were always there for me. And now I was there for you. I told you I would always be there for you, no matter what... but I broke that promise.

I remember the first time we had sex. You had yourself tested for STD's because of your past drug use, even before I asked you to. However, you still brought condoms, because you knew it'd make me feel more comfortable. I remember it was almost as awkward as the first time we kissed. I remember it was uncomfortable at first, but you seemed like you knew what you were doing. For a brief moment I thought you'd been cheating on me. But you assured me you hadn't. Not right away, of course, since you were... busy, but after your hands and... other parts were free, you eased my concerns.  
I remember cuddling with you afterward. I said you could be a real pain in the ass sometimes, but instead of laughing, you thought you'd hurt me and apologized... You were always blaming yourself for everything, because you were scared of hurting me. You were scared you'd make me sad. You were scared you'd push me away.

And I remember the worst moment of all... I remember when you left me. I know why you did it now. I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner. You were always there for me – always – but when it was my turn... I ignored you. I didn't know how you felt. I didn't ask how you felt. I ignored you.

I love you, Kenny McCormick. And I'm sorry I couldn't say it sooner. I'm sorry I pushed you away. I'm sorry I was selfish. I want to be there for you. I know it won't make up for the times I wasn't, but I know we can do it. I know we can be happy together.  
I hope this letter reaches you. I hope you'll call. I hope... I hope we can be together again. I promise I'll do better this time. I just need you to give me a chance. I hope you can give me a chance... but I understand if you can't.  
I wasn't a good boyfriend. I see that now. I'm sorry it took so long for me to see it. Whatever you decide, just know that I love you. I'll always love you, no matter what.  
Whatever you decide, I hope you'll be happy.


End file.
